I was trying to put Robbie, my 8 month old down for his afternoon nap. Nicky, who is three, was hovering just outside the door waiting for me to finish. Gordie stayed home from grade one because he caught a cold and was coughing enough to need his puffer.
Robbie was obviously tired but was just not giving in to sleep. That’s when I found myself questioning my life choices. And asking myself, Do I even like kids?
Today was one of those days where it felt like I was spinning my wheels and just not getting anywhere. Honestly, a lot of days feel like that.
Robbie’s no longer a small baby and things are way easier. He’s a pretty good sleeper and not as needy as he used to be. Things get better so slowly it’s sometimes hard to notice the difference
Yesterday I made chili and hamburger soup. Our kitchen table is generally clean and some days I even have enough energy to sort through some of the areas that have gotten completely out of control.
But some days are still hard. Gordie starts school at 8 so I need to be up before 7am. But I have trouble going to sleep as early as I need to. Robbie is a wonderful sweet tempered baby. But he is exhausting to hold. And I’ve lost count of the number of times his big baby head has smashed into my nose this week.
Like all stages, this one will end. Robbie will stop trying to crawl into my mouth and start causing a whole new set of trouble crawling around the house. And eventually I’ll start going to bed early enough so that I’m not sleepy all the time (at least I hope I will).
Some days are tough. Some days I just feel like hiding.
I’m pretty sure that’s normal. Raising kids is hard, tiring, exhausting and often thankless.
Not loving every minute of it doesn’t mean anything else.
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I share all these thoughts and feelings with you. Knowing there will come a day when we miss this point in our lives doesn’t make it any easier to endure when we’re in it.
Looking back on my own childhood, the moments that I know that my parents truly loved me, was when they did something for me, especially if it was that was difficult for them. I am positive, that they are more moments than I can remember or count. I think, that it is beautiful and awe inspiring when you and other parents conquer your fatigue, frustration, pain (physical and/or emotional) or whatever negative situation is thrown at you, all for the well being of your family. Here’s hoping, that when your children look back on their childhood, they will remember and feel the love that you gave them, when you didn’t like kids.
I have only 2 children (3 and 6) and I have days like that :).
As a side note, you mentioned your son needing a puffer. My son also needed a puffer until he was 3 1/2 years old when we was diagnosed with 2 food sensitivities. We removed the foods he was (and still is) sensitive to from his diet and he did not need a puffer since.
I wrote more about my experience here: http://orgali.ca/2014/07/son-cant-eat-gluten-dairy-foods/.
I am mentioning this in case you might want to dig deeper into the causes of Gordie needing a puffer.