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Parenting

Just Call Me Mother of the Year

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This is why I think I should be awarded the title of Mother of the Year.

Reason #1 – Gordie didn’t do any kind of art all summer including coloring. My Calgary Playground Review blog showed all the outdoor activity we did, but what it didn’t show was that was ALL we did. We went out in the morning to a playground and the most impressive thing we did after that was having a nap.

Reason #2 – This month Gordie and I have hardly left the house. Although I finally did get some art supplies, we’ve hardly gone anywhere. I don’t think we’ve gone to a single playground, and even on the really nice days we often just stay home. Kids don’t need sunlight and fresh air do they?

Reason #3 – Gordie often wears pajamas from nap time until bed time. Gordie often asks to wear pajamas for nap – and anything that is going to make him sleep better I’m all for. But seriously, how often am I supposed to change his clothes? If we’re not going anywhere, he is likely to wear them until he goes to bed.

Reason #4 – I think I spend more time looking for fun things to do with Gordie than actually doing them. But I have an awesome board on pinterest filled with ideas – it’s almost as good right?

Reason #5 – I hate singing Gordie his bedtime song. I know some lullabies that I really love, Douglas Mountain, Morningtime Ride, Baby’s Boat. But I end up singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, every single night and for every nap. Really, the song is just not that great.

Reason #6 – I’m finding it really difficult to get my energy together to make good food. One time Gordie ate Kraft Dinner for lunch, dinner and lunch again the next day.

Those are just a few of the reasons why I think I deserve the title of Mother of the Year. How about you? Any confessions to make?

Juggling Being a Crier and a Mommy

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I am a crier. Being in control of my tear ducts is not one of my imagestrengths. Although this was not helped by pregnancy hormones, I was a crier long before I was pregnant and I still am.
I don’t just cry when I am sad. I’ve also been known to cry when I’m angry. This was confusing for my friends as a child. I nearly backhanded more than one poor girl who tried to comfort me while I was furious.
But that’s not all. I cry when I’m worn out and stressed too. Often pretty easily. This has sometimes very awkward. I have made many doctors (and 1 dentist) feel confused and perhaps even a little uncomfortable when they have just told me I am fine. And probably just have a viral infection or I need some antibiotics (with the dentist I had a cavity). At any rate I was given information that is completely minor in severity and I am reduced to tears.
I even cried in the front row of a 10 person University class with a disproportionately high workload when we were unable to persuade the professor that we needed an extension for our 30 page paper because it would throw off his schedule. Looking at this, you might think that I cry all the time. And although that is not actually true I do end up crying in front of my son and my handicapped brother more often than I would really like.
I actually think that it’s good for kids to see their parents have emotions and deal with them. I just wish my son didn’t have to have this valuable learning experience quite so often.
Because of my brother I’ve had to deal with this issue for a long time. It causes him distress to see anyone, but especially me, upset. So I am well practiced in the art of crying while assuring someone else that everything is still okay.
Usually what I say is “I’m feeling sad. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes. But I’m okay. I’m just feeling sad right now.” If I can explain why, then try to do that too, but that’s not always easy.
I’d love to know about some other strategies that I could use. What do you do when you cry in front of your kids?

The Infectious Enthusiasm of a Toddler–Snow in April Sucks

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Last night it started to snow. In April. Not even early April, but April 13th. I was not impressed. I’m quite done with winter and snow in particular.

Gordie on the other hand looked out the window and said “It’s simagenowing!” with the enthusiasm of a child who had been hoping all Winter for just one day of snow.

This morning when I looked outside there was over a foot of wet, heavy snow. Seriously? I am almost desperate for Spring. I need sunlight again. And grass. Remember grass? I don’t ever want to leave the house again.

But Gordie takes one look and demands to “Go play in the snow!” He couldn’t have been more excited.

So I grabbed some things for a snowman and spent 20 minutes gimageetting us both into our snow gear. Gordie had the best time and honestly, it was the best part of my day too. Usually the snow in Calgary is too dry to stick together, so it’s nearly impossible to make snowmen and it’s usually unpleasantly cold at well. Today the snow was perfect and it was right around freezing.

It’s hard to stay in a bad mood when someone around you is having so much fun. That being said – snow in April still sucks.

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You Never Know When You’ll Be Confronted with a Scary Cow

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Although we have yet to find a monkey on our neighbourhood walks (despite frequently looking) we did have a run in with wildlife inside our own kitchen.

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I know, it is possibly the cutest looking cow ever made. And it’s only about the size of my palm. Gordie loved this cow. It was one of the first things that he tried to get me to buy at the store when he was around a year. It’s been up on a shelf though so he hasn’t seen it in a while. The cow eventually found it way back to civilization and I thought Gordie might like to see how it can moo if you push it’s tummy. It seemed like this would be fun because he would be old enough to do it now.

Well, that did not go over well. After a lot of tears and snuggles, I told the cow to stop making noises and we reached a peace. I know Gordie is a little sensitive to noises, but the quiet moo of this cute little cow? Whoops.

Sometimes it’s all in the phrasing: Love, children and equality

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Like most mother’s contemplating having a second child, I worry that it’s not possible for me to love my potential second child as much as my first. So when the article “Mom Confession: I think I love my son a little bit more” popped up, it really made me think.

Although I don’t doubt her sincerity that this is something she struggles with and wishes could improve, I do think that it was written in a intentionally provocative manner. If she were to say instead, I love both my kids, but with my son it is easy and I really struggle with my daughter, it would be hard to argue with wouldn’t it? Or even if she said that she finds herself favoring her son and being harder on her daughter it would be pretty easy to empathize with.

But instead, she decided to say that she actually love her son more than her daughter. This just rubs people the wrong way. I’ve heard many people point out that the daughter may read this one day and you can’t un-ring the bell. But even if her daughter manages to understand what her mother is going through and be able to deal with that, she may not be able to deal with the taunting of classmates who end up reading the article. Not to mention the possible implications for the son. It can be just as difficult for the son to read that his mother loved him best. It could make him full of himself or immensely guilty that his sister didn’t receive her fair share of his mother’s love and attention. And even more so because it’s out for the world to see.

But I will say one thing for this article – it did make me think. And I’ve realized that I may not love my kids all the same, I may love them differently and that’s okay. They will after all be different people with different personalities, strengths and challenges. but I know I’ll love them all just as much. And every child deserves to be told that.

Daylight Saving Time Sucks

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It is 9:55pm. My son just fell asleep. This is destroying my will to live. I realize it is only a hour difference. But before the time change, this would only be 9pm. That I could handle. But 10?  I am so tired. I’m trying to go to bed at a reasonable hour and I’m not doing much better than Gordie. The first two nights I tried to go to bed at 11 and ended up not falling asleep until 2 in the morning.

I am cranky and grumpy and tired. I’m even too cranky and tired to write a good blog post. There are a lot of reasons why I think it is stupid aside from my personal crankiness but I’m honestly feeling too exhausted to even bother getting into it.

There is nothing that you can tell me about sunlight or energy savings that will make this worth it to me. I think we should just pick the time we like best and stick with it.

Talking to Your Kids About People With Special Needs

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One of the many parenting challenges that can leave even the best parent at a loss is what to say to your kids when they see someone with special needs. Especially when they react in inappropriateimageate or insensitive manner.

My brother has special needs. He is a bilateral amputee with a rare syndrome called Cornelia de Lange syndrome. He looks different. Even the littlest kids can see that there is something different. So suffice to say I have a lot of experience in this area.

Kids react to seeing people with special needs in a lot of different ways. Some cry, some point, some laugh, and some are truly scared and some are simply curious. I promise you that no matter what you child does, it is probably not the first time and it will certainly not be the last time that it has happened to that family.
Parents have a lot of different reactions too. Some parents just tell their child to be quiet and stop staring. I understand this impulse but you do miss out on a great learning opportunity. I find it the most awkward when parents just ignore their child’s comments. But I understand that they just don’t know how to deal with it.

So, what should you do? The first thing to remember is that kids are naturally curious. They’re not usually trying to be rude. Most parents and caregivers would like you to help your kids understand that people with special needs are people too and deserving of our respect.
If they are scared, comfort them. It’s natural for kids to worry that people may be hurt or be frightened of things that they don’t understand. With my brother, kids are often worried that my brother’s arms have broken off, that he is really hurt or that it could happen to them. I usually try to reassure kids that he is not actually hurt and that some people are just born different. I also point out that even though he doesn’t have any fingers, he still has feet. Pointing out things that they do share somehow reassures a lot of kids.

If a kid is just curious, I’ll encourage my brother to say hi. This is actually what I would suggest you do with your kids too. Just say hi. For the little ones, this may be enough. Kids who are a little bit older will probably have questions. Ask if it’s okay for them to ask some questions. Not eimageveryone will have the time or the patience, but many people will.

There was one time that even I was at a loss for words. We were at a conference for kids who are multiple amputees and we were sitting beside a boy who was about two years old. He had one finger on one hand and one and a half fingers on the other hand. He pointed at my brother and said to his Dad “That boy doesn’t have any fingers!”. I guess in his world everyone has fingers, he just hadn’t noticed that most people have 10 yet. It just goes to show that no one is exempt from having to deal with this with their kids.

Sometimes the Key is Realizing that You’re the One With the Problem

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Putting Gordie to sleep was starting to drive me crazy. I was especially frustrated because I felt like I was doing imageeverything right. But for some reason it was starting to take forever to put him to sleep. I was racking my brain as to what the problem was.

The first penny dropped when I realized that his three hour naps had become routine instead of being an anomaly. So even though I generally think that waking a sleeping child is not a good idea, I was figuring I’d have to start waking him up after 2 hours so he would be tired at bedtime.

Then it sunk in. He wasn’t tired at bedtime. I was trying to put him to bed before he was even remotely sleepy. He in fact wasn’t having a sleep problem at all. He was waking up happily at 6 in the morning, going down for his nap like a dream and was in a good mood all day. He just wasn’t ready for bed when I expected him to be ready for bed.

I was the one with the problem. I was grumpily being woken up at 6, I was tired all day and I was frustrated when he wasn’t falling asleep after over an hour of me trying to put him to sleep.

So instead of trying to change Gordie’s sleeping patterns, I decided to change my own behavior. The first (and easiest thing) I did was start putting Gordie to bed when he was actually tired at 9. The second thing I’m still working on. Going to bed earlier. I think that might make a lot of things better.

The first day I tried the new plan it was wonderful. Gordie got some extra time with his dad in the evening and when I turned the lights out at 8:45 he was asleep 15 minutes later.

Of course though as soon as I figured this out, Gordie got a cold and was only napping for 2 hours and crashing at 8pm. Figures.

How becoming a mother made me less judgemental

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It seems everywhere I turn I see things suggesting tHow becoming a mother made me less judgementalhat motherhood turns women into ‘mompetitors’: women who are strongly critical of each other and their differing parenting decisions. For me, I think it has been the opposite. Becoming a mother has helped me become much less judgemental and more able to see that even if it is not a choice I’d make or a method I would use, it can still be a good choice.

I have always tried to see things from other people’s perspectives but it’s not always easy. Before I was a mother, I didn’t understand why you wouldn’t want to breastfeed your baby. Now that I have had to deal with the frustration and the sleepless nights – I get it. I may not understand why you wouldn’t want to, but I certainly understand why you would choose not to or why you would stop. I was fortunate enough to have had a year of maternity leave and my son never had a drop of formula. But I couldn’t even imagine going back to work when my baby was 6 weeks old and continuing to breastfeed. Where do mothers find the energy? I applaud anyone who is able to manage that, but I really don’t think I could.

My son is now almost 2 and is now a pretty decent sleeper, but it has been a long and painful road. I didn’t want to use methods that involved crying it out when I felt he was too little to understand. Slowly, with a good night time routine and a healthy respect for the importance of naps, his sleep has vastly improved. This worked for us, but it was often difficult. At his worst my son was waking up every hour. Looking back, I’m not sure how we all made it through that alive. Despite deciding not to sleep train, I completely understand why other parents choose to do it and I respect that choice as well. Being sleep deprived is hard on your mental, physical and emotional state and for some people sleep training is definitely going to be the best option for them.

Being able to view these things with more empathy and understanding than I previously had has made me take a second look at things I have taken for granted in other areas of my life as well. It has helped me see that situations are often a lot more complex than they see at first blush.

I still have my own opinions and the way I want to do things, but I’m now much more accepting of people who make choices that are different from my own. Although something might be the right choice for me, it’s not necessarily the right choice for someone else.