I am a crier. Being in control of my tear ducts is not one of my 
strengths. Although this was not helped by pregnancy hormones, I was a crier long before I was pregnant and I still am.
I don’t just cry when I am sad. I’ve also been known to cry when I’m angry. This was confusing for my friends as a child. I nearly backhanded more than one poor girl who tried to comfort me while I was furious.
But that’s not all. I cry when I’m worn out and stressed too. Often pretty easily. This has sometimes very awkward. I have made many doctors (and 1 dentist) feel confused and perhaps even a little uncomfortable when they have just told me I am fine. And probably just have a viral infection or I need some antibiotics (with the dentist I had a cavity). At any rate I was given information that is completely minor in severity and I am reduced to tears.
I even cried in the front row of a 10 person University class with a disproportionately high workload when we were unable to persuade the professor that we needed an extension for our 30 page paper because it would throw off his schedule. Looking at this, you might think that I cry all the time. And although that is not actually true I do end up crying in front of my son and my handicapped brother more often than I would really like.
I actually think that it’s good for kids to see their parents have emotions and deal with them. I just wish my son didn’t have to have this valuable learning experience quite so often.
Because of my brother I’ve had to deal with this issue for a long time. It causes him distress to see anyone, but especially me, upset. So I am well practiced in the art of crying while assuring someone else that everything is still okay.
Usually what I say is “I’m feeling sad. It’s okay to feel sad sometimes. But I’m okay. I’m just feeling sad right now.” If I can explain why, then try to do that too, but that’s not always easy.
I’d love to know about some other strategies that I could use. What do you do when you cry in front of your kids?
Mother’s Day–Not Every Special Day is Going to be a Good Day
I don’t actually mind the so called ‘Hallmark’ holidays. Having a day to remind you to stop and appreciate your sig
nificant other, mother, father what have you, is overall I think a good thing. However, I do sympathize with those who dislike such holidays. It can put a lot of pressure on one day and it can be easy for many to feel left out.
For me, this mother’s day was… I can’t think of the right word, so perhaps I’ll just explain. When I woke up, I just wasn’t feeling well. I had a huge headache and was so emotionally fragile I wouldn’t be surprised if I made people wonder if I was pregnant. I recognized that I was grumpy, irritable and emotional, but sometimes having this level of introspection gets you no closer to being able to control these feelings.
That is not a good start. On top of that, my only child is 2. He doesn’t have a clue about what mother’s day is about. My husband, has many wonderful qualities but he is not likely to help my son do cute mother’s day crafts or anything or tell me just to put my feet up all day. Which really, I respect. I’m not his mother and he has his own mother he needs to try to make feel special that day.
So really it was just a day, and not a very good one. I didn’t even do a very good job of making my mother feel appreciated.
Now really, the day was fine. Gordie was an angel, my husband gave me a rose, and both our families had a lovely dinner together. And that is plenty to feel grateful for.
But in the end, it is just a day, and if it ends up being a bad or disappointing day it doesn’t matter. It’s just one day. Days like these are great opportunities to reflect on the important people who are or who have been in our lives but it’s best not to ascribe them too much meaning. All the other 364 days of the year are just as important. And overall? Those have been great.
A Quick Trip to Banff
With my special needs brother off to Disneyland with my in-laws (are they the best or what?) we can uncommon opportunity to take a day trip to Banff. When we mapped it out, we realized we weren’t going to have a lot of time. We wouldn’t be able to leave Calgary until noon and would have to get back the next day by noon. We almost decided not to go. But I’m really glad we did. One of the things that’s so great about going away, even if it is just for a little while is that is really focuses your attention. You’re not distracted by the laundry or the internet. You don’t have to cook. And you have adventures together which is harder at home.
We went up Mount Norquay where they is a great view of the town of Banff and you can often see some mountain goats. We saw some this time at the bottom of the lookout point but they were too far away for Gordie to figure out what they were. On our way back down we drove past a deer. Gordie saw it all by himself. “I see a kangaroo!” We may need to spend a little bit more of our time at the North American part of the zoo.
In the evening we drove down by the golf course and saw a lot more “kangaroos” (this time they were elk). The boy is not easily dissuaded. This was the perfect time of day for elk watching. We also saw a little fox. Of course we had left our zoom lens at the hotel.
We went to Melissa’s for supper. Gordie really wanted a burger and fries. He was getting a little impatient for his dinner (quite honestly when we eat out we usually get fast food so waiting would be unusual) so I told him that when the lady came back he could tell her what he wanted for supper. While Stephen and I were talking Gordie (who has just turned 2) managed to turn around at get to attention of the hostess. We looked over and he was telling her he wanted a burger and fries and she was leaned over trying to understand him. We were so surprised!
Sometimes with so much going on, it’s hard to take the time to step back, relax and just enjoy each others company. But so many of my most treasured memories seem to be created that way.
BBQ Chicken Enchiladas
I decided to try out this Enchilada recipe from Feels Like Home for my brother’s birthday dinner. I’m pretty sure the best time to try out a new recipe is at a special occasion for a bunch of people right? Normally we would get take out, but we still haven’t found a chinese food place we like in our neighbourhood and half the family finds Indian too spicy. At the last minute I decided I’d just make these Enchiladas. Ill-advised or not, it was awesome.
I dialled back the spices from the original recipe to accommodate our family heat wimps. They found it to be spicy but at a level they (and Gordie) could easily handle. If you are looking for something spicy, you’ll want to amp up the spices, but it’s nice and flavorful (if not hot) as written below).
I made my own Enchilada sauce which allows me to control the level of spice and fat but you could easily use the bottled stuff instead.
Enchilada Sauce Recipe
(adapted from Feels Like Home)
Ingredients
- ¼ cup vegetable oil
- 3 tablespoons flour
- 1.5 tablespoons chili powder
- 1 16-oz can tomato sauce
- chicken broth
- 1 teaspoon ground cumin
- 3-4 cloves garlic, minced
- 1 teaspoon onion powder
- salt
Instructions
- Add the oil to a pan over medium heat. When the oil is hot, stir in the flour and chili powder. Use a whisk (this will help prevent lumps in your sauce) to stir constantly under it starts to brown (a minute or two)
- Continue to stir as you add the remaining ingredients. Cook until sauce begins to thicken – about 10 minutes. If you are wanting to speed things up you can bring the sauce to a boil for a minute or two and the sauce will thicken a bit quicker.
BBQ Chicken Enchiladas
(adapted from Feels Like Home)
Ingredients
- ½ cup BBQ sauce (plus 2 tbsp) (I used Kraft original)
- meat from 1 roasted chicken or 1.5 pounds of boneless chicken, cooked and shredded
- 1 medium onion, chopped
- 2 cup of shredded cheese
- 8 whole wheat tortillas (I have also managed 10, but 8 is more reasonable)
Instructions
- Preheat oven to 375F.
- Add the BBQ sauce to the enchilada sauce and stir.
- Add a little oil to a second pan and saute the chopped onion until it softens. Add the chicken, and a couple tablespoons of the BBQ sauce. Cook for a couple more minutes and then add ½ a cup of the enchilada sauce and 1 cup of the shredded cheese. Mix well and cook until the cheese is melted.
- Add a layer of the enchilada sauce to a 9x13 baking dish.
- Add a big scoop of the chicken mixture to a tortilla, and roll it. Place it in the baking dish seam side down. Continue until all your tortillas have been filled. If you are running out of space it is totally okay to squish your tortillas together so you can fit more in.
- Pour the rest of the enchilada sauce over the rolled tortillas and top with the last cup of cheese.
- Bake for about 25 minutes. The cheese and sauce should be hot and bubbly.
So, Did They Eat It?
This was a huge hit. I served this with a fried rice and a black bean salad to 11 people. I cut each of the enchiladas in half so it was easier for people to take just how much they wanted. Everyone from my toddler to my grandparents and my spice sensitive inlaws enjoyed it. The BBQ sauce really helps give it some extra flavor without the extra heat. I will be making this again for sure, although I may add some extra chili powder if it’s just for us.
It’s Okay to Complain
Now that I’ve given myself permission, I’m going to get right at it. One of the things that drives me bonkers is the idea that you shouldn’t complain because somebody has it worse than you.
I saw this today on twitter. Calgary got snow – actually a fair bit of snow on April 28th.
As you can see this is not an insignificant amount of snow. And is it now the end of April. Very few days this April have felt like spring so understandably people are complaining about it. But yesterday, the Southeast US was hit with massive numbers of tornados leading to a lot of devastation in the area.
Because of this, someone suggested that we shouldn’t complain about the snow because that is so much worse. I take exception to this concept.
Obviously, it is much worse to be in the Southeast US dealing with multiple tornados than in Calgary dealing with a few rogue snowflakes. I can’t imagine who would disagree with that. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong to complain about snow in April.
Yes, sometimes it can put things in perspective to realize that you are actually quite fortunate but where does it end? Do we tell the people in Alabama that they shouldn’t complain because the earthquake in Japan was worse? It sounds ridiculous doesn’t it? But someone always has it worse than you.
I’ve seen this on a smaller scale too with mothers who have lost their babies or aren’t able to have babies telling women who are struggling with adjusting to motherhood or sleepless nights that they shouldn’t complain because at least they have babies. My heart goes out to these women. I truly wish that everyone who wanted to have a baby was able to. But their personal tragedies does not negate the difficulties of motherhood. Just because someone has it worse does not mean that your complaints are not legitimate.
Do people sometimes complain too much? Sure. Are some people a little overly dramatic about the minor inconveniences of life? Absolutely. But one person’s complaint in no way takes away from the reality of someone else’s difficulties. So as far as I’m concerned, complain away.
Broccoli and Cheese Pizza
I found the inspiration for this recipe on Healthy Happy Life a vegan food blog. I seem to spend a disproportionate amount of time on vegan food blogs for someone is not even remotely vegan in my eating habits.
Gordie has been a little suspicious of green food lately (except edamame which he loves), so he was not particularly impressed by this choice. But I think it might lure in some reluctant broccoli eaters.
Broccoli and Cheese Pizza
Ingredients
- broccoli
- shredded cheese
- cream cheese (regular or any kind of savoury flavoring)
- olive oil
- garlic
- whole wheat pitas
Instructions
- Spread a thin layer of olive oil on the pita. Add thin slices of garlic. I used about a clove per pita.
- Add thin slices of broccoli. For mine I used the whole ‘tree’ but for Gordie’s I used little bits of the florets (pictured on the right).
- Add little splotches of cream cheese (about 1 tbsp total) around the pita.
- Top with shredded cheese.
- Bake for about 5 minutes. I used the toaster oven so I did 3 minutes on bake and 2 on broil. Basically your goal is to melt the cheese without burning the pita too much.
- I used sundried tomato cream cheese which was nice, but I really think any would be fine.
I used whole wheat pitas for the ‘dough’ and that worked well, but I think I would probably blanch the broccoli quickly in the microwave if I was doing it again just so they were cooked a little bit extra. This wouldn’t be a problem if you were using base that wasn’t quite so thin.
I really enjoyed these and will definitely make them again. I wouldn’t skip the cream cheese though. I tried one without it and it just needed a little something extra.
Our Favorite iPhone/iPad Apps for Kids
Gordie was a toddler when I made this list but most of the apps here would be of interest to preschoolers as well. Some are even great for babies!
1. Itsy Bitsy Spider by Duck Duck Moose $.99 –iPhone, iPad $1.99 http://duckduckmoosedesign.com/educational-iphone-itouch-apps-for-kids/itsy-bitsy-spider
We have all the apps by Duck Duck Moose and they have all been big hits. But the Itsy Bitsy Spider was the one that Gordie first fell in love with (about 14 months). He still calls our ipad and iphones ‘spider’ because of it. One of the best things about it, is how you touch the spider to advance the story instead of little arrows or swiping the screen – easy for toddlers to do and understand.
2. Peek a Boo Barn, $1.99 http://www.nightanddaystudios.com/apps/
This simple app is great for entertaining babies and toddlers at the doctors office. It’s easy to operate for even the littlest kids as all you have to do is touch the screen to see who is hiding behind the door.
3. sound touch by SoundTouch $2.99 – http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/sound-touch/id348094440?mt=8
When you touch one of the icons on this app 1 of 5 photograph of that match that icon will pop up on the screen along with it’s corresponding sound. There’s lots to discover with 6 different categories of sounds. The instruments even play real sections of music. This is a favorite of my special needs brother.
4. Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham – Oceanhouse Media $3.99 – http://www.oceanhousemedia.com/products/drseuss/
Oceanhouse Media has a ton of great interactive books including many Dr. Seuss and Little Critter books. Gordie’s favorite is Green Eggs and Ham. Gordie still has some trouble swiping to turn the pages, but if you set it to autoplay it will do that all by itself.
5. Sound Shaker by Tickle Apps $1.99 – http://www.tickletapapps.com/soundshaker
This was another of Gordie’s early favorites. I find it pretty amusing too. When you press on the screen a ball appears that makes a noise. If you hold your finger down the ball gets bigger and makes a different noise. If you move the ipod from side to side the balls roll around and make their noises as they bounce around. It’s pointless but entertaining.
6. Pictello – more expensive than most ($15) but you can create your own photo books – http://www.assistiveware.com/pictello.php
Gordie and my special needs brother both love this app. It helps them relive activities we’ve done and bring up topics that they might not be able to do otherwise. Gordie asks me all the time to “Make a New One!” It’s easy to use and you can either use a synthesized voice or record your own voice to accompany your photos to make a simple story.
7. drawing pad – $1.99 http://itunes.apple.com/ca/app/drawing-pad/id358207332?mt=8
This app has many different types of drawing utensils in lots of different colors. It’s easy to navigate too and would be fun for any age.
8. Chicken Little – Kidztory – $0.99 – http://www.kidztory.com/
Kidzstory has tons of animated interactive storybooks. They have lots of traditional tales like Chicken Little and the Three Little Pigs, but we’ve also really enjoyed Duck in the Truck. I had to delete The Lion and the Mouse because at one point the lion roars and it scared Gordie and made him cry. This will probably not be a big problem for most kids but Gordie is sensitive to startling noises.
So that’s our list, what’s on yours?
Sometimes Food Tastes Like Love: Chocolate Peanut Butter Marshmallow Pitas
You may have noticed that I don’t make a lot of desserts. I actually didn’t make this one either. I was having a nap after putting Gordie to bed and when I woke up my husband had made this for us and even took pictures so I could blog about it. And if that isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
Sometimes Food Tastes Like Love: Chocolate Peanut Butter Marshmallow Pitas
Ingredients
- 2 whole wheat pitas
- 1 handful of mini marshmellows
- 1 small handful of chocolate chips
- 2 (ish) tbsp of peanut butter
Instructions
- Spread peanut butter down the centre of the pitas. Top with marshmallows and chocolate chips.
- Fold the pitas over and grill for about 5 minutes in your indoor grill. Alternatively you could bake them in the oven or cook them in a non-stick frying pan. The insides should be melty and squishy when ready.
These were really sweet and really messy. A nice quick treat that would be great to make with the kids too.
Chocolate Hazelnut Hummus
Hazelnut butter is the only nut butter that I’ve tried that might give peanut butter a run for it’s money. It’s just so good. So it was almost inevitable that my hummus experimentation would end with Nutella inspired hazelnut hummus. It was way better than the peanut butter hummus. I ended up leaving it a little chunkier than I usually do with hummus which gave it a really nutty feel. I ate the whole batch with apples for dipping (over a few days of course!) And I didn’t even share. Yes, it is that good.
Hazelnut butter is not as easy to find as peanut butter or even almond butter. In the superstore by my house you can find it in the aisle with the organic food, soy, and gluten free products. Not in the peanut butter and jam aisle.
Chocolate Hazelnut Hummus
Ingredients
- 1 can (16 oz) Chickpeas ; rinsed and drained
- 4 Tbsp Hazelnut butter or 2 TBSP hazelnut butter and 2 Tbsp peanut butter (I just used a big spoon – more if desired)
- ½ teaspoon Sea salt
- 1 teaspoon vanilla
- ¼ cup cocoa powder
- 4 Tbsp maple syrup (you can adjust this to taste (2-8 Tbsp)
- ½- 3/4 cup Water (depending on the texture desired)
Instructions
- Drain and rinse the chickpeas.
- Add all the ingredients to the food processor (you can use a blender, but it’s not really not as effective. I have tried and don’t recommend it. I ended up buying a food processor so I could make hummus).
- Run the food processor until the hummus starts to appear to bounce up and down (this won’t take a really long time) . Alternatively just check it every 10 seconds or so. You’ll want to scrape off the sides of the food processor because I find some chickpeas tend to stick to the sides and then give it another quick blend. If you are finding it’s not as well mixed or creamy as you would like just add another ¼ cup of water.
- Serving Ideas With apple slices, as a sandwich spread, sauce on a dessert pizza, on crackers, with pita
Guilt and Parenting
One of the things that has surprised me the most since becoming a parent, is how much I would be plagued with guilt and doubt. For me this was especially true when Gordie was a small baby. Everything was so new and it seemed I was constantly having to make decisions that had no real right answer.
But the guilt and doubt I felt over these day to day decisions was nothing compared to how I felt when Gordie turned 1. That was when we found out that he wasn’t growing as expected. His weight was at the 3rd percentile. Now I realize that sometimes this is nothing. Some kids are just small. But the reason that they take weight and height measurements is because sometimes something is wrong.
When Gordie was born he was 9 lbs. That put him at the 85 percentile for weight. So being at the 3rd percentile after 12 months was definitely concerning.
It turned out that he was having a problem digesting dairy. He seems to react negatively to the protein in milk products resulting in a host of problems some of which I recognized as a problem and others that I didn’t until they went away.
It has now been a year and I still struggle with the guilt that I feel over this.
- Why didn’t I realize what was happening sooner?
- How could I have been feeding my baby what basically amounted to poison (for him)?
- How could I not have noticed how small he was, how little he was eating, how cranky he was, how little he was doing?
It really shook my confidence as a mother. I was second guessing all the choices that I had made with regards to how I chose to feed him, sleep choices – everything.
Now I know this is not particularly rationale. I know I’m a good mom. I do. 
And I know that Gordie’s problems with milk were not my fault. In fact when I look back, I had realized that something was the matter and I was doing everything I could to figure out. I can’t even think of anything that I really should have done differently. And I know that it was in large part because of me that we figured it out as soon as we did.
Gordie is currently thriving and as of his 2 year check up is now back up to the 25th percentile.
And yet. The guilt is still there.
I do my best to forgive myself and to have realistic expectations for myself as a mother. Most of the time I think I succeed. But I still can’t quite shake the guilt I feel over this.